The MisAdventures of Team RED
by MizukiRosen
Summary: A collection of drabbles about my fictional RED team. All OC's belong to me, TF2 belongs to Valve.
1. Pyro's Fairytale

"No, Kenneth, not today." Kiera said, not even looking up at the hopeful Pyro. "I don't have time."

Kenneth looked down at his book. He held it out to Kiera again, but she refused.

"I told you, not today." Kiera sighed. "I'm sure one of your other teammates will read to you." The Soldier waved her hand towards the door.

Kenneth nodded sadly and headed out, book in hand.

Outside, everybody was doing something. Kenneth first noticed a game of volleyball going on between Elio and Max versus Yvon and Ramiro. He quietly toddled over and offered the book to the Scout.

"What's this?" Elio questioned, looking at the book.

While he was distracted, Yvon took advantage of the situation and pegged the ball at Elio. It hit the Scout's face, sending him to the ground. Elio swore and handed the book to Kenneth. "Sorry, no can do right now. I've got something important to take care of." Elio began to ball his fists and headed under the net towards the laughing Sniper.

Kenneth walked away, holding the small book tightly. He was determined to find somebody who would read the book.

He headed towards the makeshift hospital where he could usually find his friend Elias. Well, he was right. Elias was there, but he was….busy to say the least. The door was locked, but the Pyro heard the sounds of pain coming from the room. He assumed the Heavy was under the knife of yet another one of Wilhelm's experiments. He didn't want to bother them.

Kenneth sighed. Nobody could read to him. He was heading back towards his barrack now, giving up and preparing to read to himself. But all of a sudden, the sound of a ukulele filled his ears. He had forgotten somebody! He headed to the sound and remembered the last member of his team- Millie, the Engie. She was relaxing with her ukulele, her trusty wrench by her side. Kenneth held the book out to her, hoping for the best. Millie stopped playing and slid her goggles down so they were hanging around her neck.

"What's this?" She asked, taking the book out of Kenneth's hands. "A book?"

Would she read to him? Kenneth plopped down and leaned his head on his hands, staring up at her.

Millie noticed the Pyro and laughed. "Do you want me to read to you?"

The Pyro nodded happily. She got it!

"Alright, Alright. 'The Little Fire That Could' by Saxton Hale…."


	2. Spy's Story

"Gimme another shot, barboy." Elio grinned, surprisingly sober. Even though he was only 19, the Scout culd handle more alcohol than most of his teammates. He could only be beaten out by Elias and Kiera.

Maximilian, on the other hand, couldn't drink as much as his friend, so he stuck to drinking only two glasses of wine per trip. Elio also needed somebody there to keep him in line, and the Spy volunteered. The two now went out drinking every weekend. Max rolled his eyes as Elio downed his fourth shot of vodka.

"You promised ya'd tell me today." Elio said, following the vodka with a light beer.

"Tell you what?" Max took a sip of his wine.

Elio rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the Spy's eight tentacles. "These. Last weekend you said next weekend, meaning now. So c'mon, fess up."

Max sighed. For a dumb kid, Elio had a good memory- maybe too good for the Spy's liking. "Alright. I'll explain."

I was new to the team, and I was kinda naïve. I accidentally agreed to help Wilhelm out with one of his experiments. This one involved injecting animal DNA into a human, just to see what would happen.

"Ah, velcome my young friend. Please, take a seat." The Medic said, bringing me to the chair.

I sat down and looked towards Wilhelm, who now had a large needle in his hand. "Now stay still." He said, and the needle was injected quickly into my wrist.

I froze. Whatever he had injected into me didn't feel good, and it really didn't agree with my blood. My entire body went numb.

"You can just relax for a little bit, and let me know how you're feeling ven you can."

The next few days were filled with excruciating pain. On the third day, I woke up with the worst pain going all around my waist. Suddenly, eight small, red, slimy things ripped through my skin. They continued to grow until they were almost a foot below my ankles. They were full, thick, red tentacles. Wilhelm was amazed and kept me under examination for a week. I felt like a lab rat. Like something in the zoo. Like a monster. But then I realized I was a monster. I was a freak.

I haven't talked to that damn Medic since then.

"And now..." the Spy sighed. "Now I'm afraid to get close to..." he drifted off. He didn't want to think about her right now. Plus he didn't want Elio to know right now. It'd be more trouble than it's worth. The Scout couldn't keep his mouth shut for long.

"Who Close ta who?" Elio's eyes widened.

"Nobody." Max sipped his wine.

"C'mon, you can tell me!"

"Maybe next time Elio."

"Ya promise?"

The Spy rolled his eyes. "Sure."

Elio thrust his fist into the air. "Yeah, that's my boy! Now c'mon, take a shot on me."

"No, I'll pass." Max chuckled.

"Alright, more for me then!" Elio quickly downed two more shots. "Ah, that feels good."


	3. Entire Team Is Leetle Babies Part 1

"Well we all knew he was young at heart, but damn….this is something' else." Elio said, almost speechless for the first time.

"This just might be the strangest thing I've seen." Yvon lowered his sunglasses, staring at the Pyro.

"Even I had no idea." Whilhelm was bewildered.

"C'mon man, think!" Kiera barked. "We've got to find out what's behind this, or who!"

"BLU?" Elias suggested. All eyes quickly moved to him.

Kiera widened her eyes. "I think you're onto something. Spy! Tonight, I want you to infiltrate the BLU base. Take Scout with you, just in case anything happens. For extra caution, I want Heavy, Sniper, and Demo at the borderlines. Those BLU bastards probably wanna get over here, and I'm not letting that happen. I'll be joining you."

At this point, Kenneth had made his way onto Millie's lap. The now-toddler apparently had the same midst as he normally did. The Engie smiled and gave him a kiss on the top of his gas mask. Kiera noticed this and nodded. "Engie, you're babysitter. Medic, keep her company, but DON'T touch Pyro."

Wilhelm frowned, but nodded. Experimenting was something he itched to do, but never got a chance to.

Hours passed, and nobody had returned. Both Wilhelm and Millie wanted to go and search for their teammates, but disobeying orders from Kiera was the worst thing to do. Only Kenneth could really get away with it.

"Vat do you zink happened to zem?" Wilhelm said, staring out the window for any sign of the RED team.

"I dunno. But it's only one of two things." Wilhelm s tarred at Millie, confused. Millie smirked. "They're either kicking ass or taking names." The two laughed, almost desperate to lighten the mood.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Yvon and Elio ran in, each carrying something seemingly heavy. Both were out of breath.

"What's wrong?" Millie demanded, standing up. "Where are the others?"

Elio tried to speak between heaving breaths. "BLU….got a gun….but not….normal."

Yvon, who was more out of breath than the Scout, simply nodded and sat on the floor. He opened the bag he was holding, and out tumbled two toddlers, the same size as Kenneth now was. Both Millie and Wilhelm gasped.

"Oh….oh my…." Wilhelm mumbled.

"Kiera! Max!" Millie quickly sat down, facing the two. "What happened to you?"

"What I was trying' to say was those damn BLU mercenaries've got some gun that makes 'em babies. 'Cept they decided ta test it on our guys." Elio had finally caught his breath.

"It was probably meant for our guys, pipsqueak." Yvon said.

Elio passed his bag to Wilhelm. "This one's for you."

The Medic's eyes widened. He knew what was inside the bag. He opened up the top and lifted out what used to be somebody twice his size. He held the Heavy to his heart, hugging him tightly. "Ach main Gott….my poor Elias!" He held him out so he could get a good look at him. "Do you understand me?"

Elias nodded and smiled, reaching for Wilhelm's face. The Medic signed in relief.

Millie looked around the room at the remains of her team. Her mental counting stopped at eight, causing her eyes widen. She turned to Yvon. "Where's Ramiro?"

The Sniper shook his head. "We're not sure. We couldn't find him." It was obvious this pained him. His best friend was missing.

"We've got to do something about this." Millie said, now angry. "We need to get into that BLU base and figure out what the hell is going on. Elio, you were on the grounds with Max. What'd you see?"

"Didn't get a chance to see much." Elio grumbled. "They caught one whiff of me and they were all over it. It was crazy."

"Shit. Yvon, you?"

"I didn't see a lot of the action, but I saw their new gun." Yvon said, fussing with his hat. "And I saw where they took it out from."

Millie grinned. "Perfect. And that's just where we're going.


	4. Entire Team Is Leetle Babies Part 2

It was one in the morning by the time the RED mercenaries reached the BLU base. They felt noticed, but Elio- who was the best at espionage out of the remaining four- advised them that they needed to go slow to avoid being noticed, caught, or worse- shot. From there, they split up. Elio and Wilhelm snuck closer to the room Yvon had described. Elio was the best at hiding, and Wilhelm would deep the Scout healthy enough to take care of any attackers. Yvon and Millie advanced only a bit further than the border, finding themselves a good vantage point. Yvon made sure he could see everything. Millie set up a Dispenser to help the Sniper out, full of extra ammo. She also built a Sentry Gun, but she hoped it wouldn't be needed.

Almost as if on cue, Wilhelm sprinted out of hiding, a BLU Soldier and Heavy right behind him. The combination of Yvon's gun and Millie's sentry took out the Soldier, but the Heavy was much harder, as was the norm with any Heavy. Unfortunately, the BLU Heavy was bit smarter than Elias and grabbed onto Wilhelm, using him as a shield. The "Friendly Fire" technology only applied in announced and monitored battles, so both guns had to cease fire. The Heavy laughed the most deep, throaty laugh. Millie grimaced and glanced over to Yvon. The Sniper nodded and aimed his gun at the back of the Heavy's bald tea d. With one shot, the already wounded Heavy was out. Wilhelm was surprised, but smiled and shot the onlookers a "thumbs-up" sign. He quickly headed back to help Elio. Millie followed him this time, carrying a mini-sentry.

The BLU base was much cleaner than the RED base, and it was obvious to Millie instantly. The corridors she and Wilhelm snuck down were pristine, with the only flaw being some dirt that had probably come from Elio's sneakers. This dirt led them straight to an enormous chamber with a ceiling that seemed to go on forever.

"Velcome, Herr Medic, Fraulein Engineer." The BLU medic stepped out of the shadows, catching the RED mercenaries by surprise. "You cant your friends back, I suppose?"

Millie nodded. "Of course."

The BLU Medic laughed. "Alright. Here you go!" He tossed a black bag and Millie, similar to the ones Yvon and Elio had earlier.

Millie quickly opened the bag and lifted the Scout up. He was obviously pissed.

"You are no longer full of surprises." Wilhelm said, his knife tightly grasped in his hand.

"I doubt that." A BLU Spy had entered the room and was sitting at the controls of the rest of the BLU team stood right by him, grinning.

Wilhelm gulped. He should've seen this coming. This was it. The BLU team would win.

"Stand back, my team. I do not want to hit you." The BLU team stepped back, laughing at the Spy's joke.

The Spy prepared the gun, aiming it straight at the two remaining RED mercenaries. Wilhelm grabbed onto Millie, trying to protect her. Suddenly, the gun fired


	5. Entire Team Is Leetle Babies Part 3

Millie opened her eyes. She didn't feel the gun hit her at all! She turned to Wilhelm, who looked the same. "How…." millie couldn't even formulate the question. She was too confused.

"We'll be taking care of the surprises if you don't mind." The BLU Spy grinned, and in an instant his disguise was removed. A familiar-looking TentaSpy was sitting in the chair.

Millie gasped excitedly. "Max!"

"Good work Spy." Kiera stepped into the room, the rest of the RED team behind her.

"H-how did zis happen?" Wilhelm asked, still staring at the BLU team, who were all toddlers. "How are you….?"

"They're not very good at hiding antidotes." Kiera held up a test tube. She bent down next to Elio and handed it to him. "Here."

The Scout quickly drank the antidote, and within seconds he was back to his normal self. He then passed the remainder to Wilhelm. "For experimenting." The Medic grinned and patted the Scout's head.

Suddenly, a few red sticky bombs spread across the room, hitting everything- including the gun. Ramiro jumped down from one of the rafters and grinned. "Run, lads!"

The entire team sprinted out the door, Yvon hugging his friend and jumping for joy the whole way out.

When they reached the boarder between RED and BLU territory, Ramiro stopped to set off the bombs. After a rare moment of silence among the RED team, the explosion shattered the early morning sky.

Elias wrapped his arm around Wilhelm's waist and kissed his head. "Entire team is leetle babies, da?"

The RED team was back, laughing at a joke that most people wouldn't find funny. It was almost as if nothing had changed. Almost


End file.
